I am enough as I am
By the Options Wellbeing Team
Just reading the title of this blog alone would create all sorts of feelings for many of us, some positive, some negative and some that are indifferent. The irony is that regardless of what we portray on the surface, many of us have insecurities about ourselves that we could never have wholly believed that statement is true.
Where do these thoughts and feelings come from?
It is true that cohorts of people appear to have natural talents or are more practiced than us in things like sports, studies, creative activities, relationships, parenting, work, business etc. and naturally we think they are better than us.
- These conscious or unconscious thoughts come from your feelings and emotions
- Perhaps feelings of insecurity around something you have noticed and compared yourself to
- You have heard a derogatory comment at some point in your life and believed it applied to you in part of all of yourself
- Perhaps someone in your life may have set really high standards for you to achieve or perceived they did
- You may notice perfectly altered images on social media or the TV and reflect on where your life is right now
- Maybe you feel your achievements weren’t as you’d hoped
- Maybe relationships have broken down because you believe you don’t fit, belong or are worthy of them.
So many of these things can bring about feelings and emotions of shame, worthlessness and not being good enough. The impact of putting too much weight on these feelings is far reaching and can be life limiting.
Feelings and emotions are not reality
Overcoming feelings like shame, worthlessness and not being good enough can be challenged with finding evidence to dispute the way you feel, and therefore changing your thoughts and behaviours.
When you notice these feelings and emotions, take yourself through a fact and sense check:
- Is what I’m feeling justified and/or true?
- Where did these feelings come from?
- I’m not good enough for what or who? Is this accurate?
- Who or what am I comparing myself to? Why?
- Is what I heard, someone else’s version of what happened or said, been inflated, is hearsay or been distorted through the ‘grapevine’? (Did it come from a genuinely authentic source with positive intention?)
- How am I interacting with social media; passively or actively?
- What is important to me?
- Being worthy or good enough is like what for me?
- What do I believe about myself, my achievements and what do others say about me?
- What are my core values? What kind of person am I?
- What do I contribute to in the various areas of my life?
- What skills, resources and capacity do I have and what do I need to develop and grow?
How a fact and sense check can help
By answering these questions objectively, it can help you to ground yourself, understand who you are and start thinking differently about yourself. This exercise positively reinforces self-esteem, confidence, self-worth, and openness in order to move past difficult memories, situations or events that have been holding you back. Ask these questions as often as you need, then make a plan to implement what you now know about yourself in your life.
A few more pointers to cultivate self-worth:
- It is also really important to have positive others around you that you can connect with, that support you and remind you that you are enough, a team that are nurturing, protective and objective.
- A wellness toolkit to maintain your wellbeing is also a great way to keep your thoughts and emotions on track and to practice self-care to raise self-esteem.
- Share posts on social media that align to your core values, avoid passively scrolling through your news feed as research suggests this creates feelings of personal discontent and engender low self-worth, rather than active or targeted engagement where you are providing encouragement and creating connectedness with others
- Only compare you to yourself to your own progress to see how far you have come and acknowledge it is in some way meaningful to you. Everyone has areas to work on, that’s a normal part of growth and development.
- Your core values about yourself are to be listened to rather than your feelings. Be kind to yourself and remove yourself from the drama!
Need some support?
If you would like to work on your self-worth or feelings of being good enough or to develop a wellness toolbox, please get in touch with us.
How we can help
We offer a free 20-minute consultation phone call where we can chat to you about your issues and point you in the right direction of suitable help. If you would like to talk with someone who is trained to listen attentively and to help improve things, please get in touch.